When my I first placed my feet onto the trail with my pack on, I immediately took a deep breath and began to feel my body slow down. I had no kids at my feet, chores, or a phone to answer too. I was out in the middle of nowhere. I was ready to take in the beauty of The Desolation Forest . A stoney desert with trees and snow caped mountains. This trip was mainly planed for two reasons. The celebration of turning Forty and letting go of my Momma ashes on the anniversary of her death one year ago.
When I began the journey to Lake Tamarack, I started to recognize how grateful I was for the body I had. And I was reminded again how life is short and that I want to make as many dates with nature as I possibly can. While hiking I thought about my mom in her last days....how I wish I had crawled into her bed with her more...but then I reminded myself that I did the best I could and she knew I loved her. I trust and know that she is in a better place now.
All living creatures must die and it is part of the circle of life. Being in nature reminded me of this beauty. When I sat at camp and looked over the peek across my way that stood tall and erect with snow melting into waterfalls, that became part of Lake Tamarack I was in awe. This lake feels like home now because it is where I let my moms ashes go. A lake where I floated on my back, a lake where I cried and found peace.
The impulse to survive is innate to all. My moms body went from a strong tree to a tree that physically disintegrated to a skeleton with skin. Her last breath was her last goodbye to me. I am forever grateful and at times haunted by this memory.
This has been a hard year. I have learned that by keeping ourselves separated and detached from death, we can harm ourselves. The more we fear death, the more we hold back from fully living. When my mom died a part of me died. I am just now coming into the light again. I have learned that death reminds us to make the most of or lives now and not to postpone anything!
So take this opportunity to hug a tree, hold your love ones closer, and love yourself more deeply. We only live once!